CHINESE NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS


It's nice to have a second chance at some New Year's Resolutions. 
This time we'll keep them FOR SURE! ...

-THIS YEAR I WILL SETTLE MY DIFFERENCES WITH BEARS BY MEETING THEM IN THE WOODS FOR A SERIES OF NEGOTIATIONS. MAYBE I’LL BRING SOME GROUND BEEF AS A GOODWILL GESTURE.

-THIS WILL BE THE YEAR I FINALLY OPEN UP MY PINATA ENCHILLADA RESTAURANT. A RESTAURANT WHERE ALL WE SERVE ARE PINATAS FULL OF ENCHILLADAS. I THINK I’LL CALL IT ENCHILL YADAS.

-THIS YEAR, WHEN I WATCH A VIDEO ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS “YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!”, I WILL TRY TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. BUT IF I CAN BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT, BE READY FOR A CLASS ACTION LAWSUIT. BECAUSE THAT’S FALSE ADVERTISING.

- THIS WILL BE THE YEAR THAT I STOP TO SMELL THE ROSES. EVEN IF THEY’RE PLASTIC. BECAUSE IT’S IMPORTANT TO TAKE THE TIME TO DO THAT. PROBABLY THEY’LL ALL BE PLASTIC BECAUSE I’M ALLERGIC. 

- THIS YEAR I WILL ONCE AGAIN ATTEMPT TO BREAK THE WORLD RECORD FOR JUGGLING PORCUPINES. AND THIS YEAR I’LL BE WEARING GLOVES- SO I FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT. #LearningCurve

-THIS YEAR, I WILL RETURN MY COPY OF THE BLUES BROTHERS TO BLOCKBUSTER, WITH A CAREFULLY WRITTEN NOTE WHICH SEEMS SORRY, BUT NEVER ADMITS TO ANY WRONGDOING.