Tuesday: Shark Week Begins in Province
I’m no Marine Biologist, but I once visited MarineLand with my family. I have also watched several episodes of television’s “Flipper”, so I consider myself an expert on SHARKS!
I have been predicting a full-scale shark invasion for years. They all laughed at me at MarineLand. Who’s laughing now, Marine Mammal Trainer Fitzpatrick!?
Need Shark Invasion Evidence?Clickity Click
SHARK! Facts:
- SHARKS! are finned demons
- They are extremely cunning and have been known to disguise themselves to fool their prey. Disguises include “big nose with glasses”, “guy from SCREAM”, and “Hobo”.
- SHARKS! can live outside of the water for months at a time, depending on the terms of their LEASE.
- SHARKS! use their powerful olfactory system to smell your fear. (To them it smells like asparagus.)
- SHARKS! have teeth - AND EGOS- that never stop growing.
Question: But Horsman, is it safe to travel to my favourite beach this Summer?
Answer: I wouldn’t even take a bath until we know what we’re dealing with.
In closing, expect a cover-up by mainstream media, buy a bigger boat, and don’t respond to any strange friend requests on Facebook until we get this SHARKS! deal sorted out.
>Horsman
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